Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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