bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
