Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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