if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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