I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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