It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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