is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
