Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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