Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
