it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
