I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
