the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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