What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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