If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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