come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
