'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
