I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
