Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
