You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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