What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
