As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
