my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
