you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
