those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
