dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
