Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
