Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
