and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
thus making me awesome and them whores
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
