I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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