Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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