Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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