Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
