So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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