Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
