Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
