Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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