these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
