Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
