I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
