Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
