my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
