first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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