i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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