I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
