i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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