Tell her she can't have a vagina
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
