omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
