you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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