My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
