Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
